Today....

...is February 2nd. I really don't know how I feel about February. Besides the impending and obligatory holiday known as Saint Valentine's Day, I live in Maine. I live in a town in Maine that you only would have heard of if you had applied to the local state school, University of Maine. Here's the other thing about Maine: It is always cold. Maine is not just cold either, it's a special kind of cold that makes you curse the trees for being able to withstand freezing up and falling apart. There's about one month in the summer when you're all "YAY, IT'S TOALLY SUNNY AND NOT BAKING ME ALIVE" and then, POOF!!, back to cold. Therefore I have made the decision that in true style and pizzaz, I will be boycotting this state. You may ask how a poor college kid with no money to charter his own plane out to Key West plans to boycott the neverending snowy.

Step 1) Refuse to ever acknowledge that winter is even here. I will do this by wearing tropical shirts and bermuda shorts at anytime that won't endanger my well-being. I will also fill my coffee cup in the morning with a new and colorful tropical drink.
Step 2) Whenever someone asks the temperature outside I will respond thusly: "Oh you know, sunny with a cool tropical breeze." In this way I will convince all my fellow Mainahs that I am neither sane nor reliable
Step 3) I will enforce on all of my peers the policy of positive thinking. Therefore, if I hear one of my buds saying "Boy, it's a real chilly one out there bub!" I will swiftly smack them across the face or hit them with the nearest loaf of crusty Italian bread. I'm hoping that after a short amount of time this will have a Pavlovian effect on all of my friends. They will begin to think of it as summer or find themselves in A WORLD OF CRUSTY HURT.
Final Step) I will refer to Maine, here on out, as Bermuda. Maybe, if I hope and try, it will work and we'll transform from snoozeville to Palmsville.

It's a fourfold plan with no space for failure. Has anyone seen my Bermuda shorts?